Posted by Ralf Biermann on May 27, 19102 at 05:04:36:
Remember that everybody is a sinner...
My name is Ralf, I'm 37 years old, an electrical engineer and live in Germany. I'm married to my wife Iris and have a little son called Raphael. My story starts in 1996, I was 31 that time. Everything was perfect then, I loved my wife and the life I lived. My love to my wife was like a beautiful flower enjoying the light. I did not know the Bible, but I believed in true love. Jesus is truth (John 14:6), God is love (I John 4:16). Jesus and the Father are one: True Love.
I had to go on a business trip to Florida, which should have been two weeks originally, but became three month. I was afraid to go, since I thought I would have problems with the language and everything else. The first day I arrived in our sister company in Palm Coast, I wore Jeans and a leather-jacket, the president of the company asked me if I would be an engineer. So I decided to wear better clothes and bought some at JC-Penny in Daytona. I was successful in my , although it took longer than expected, and I went to the beach at the weekends. Here started my first problem: when I was a little child, we sometimes went on vacation to Spain or Italy, and we always wore swimming trunks, never Bermuda shorts. I did not realize that only the gay men wear swimming trunks in Florida, I thought it would be some kind of fashion. It became a problem later.
Since I had no talent in cooking, I always went to the restaurants, and the company was paying for it. When I went to the Steak'n Shake restaurant in Palm Coast, the girls started to talk about me immediately when they saw me, since my skin already had some tan, which also highlighted my blue eyes. One girl said something like: "I've seen him first". The waitress that came to my table looked into my eyes, and I began to stutter when I gave her my order. I could not do anything against it, I fell in love, although I was married. She had something in common with my wife. Her name was Melissa. I was alone and missed love. I have never thought about it before, to cheat my wife. I thought I could do it, since nobody would know it. After some weeks I decided to write Melissa a little love letter. Somehow I was testing how far I could go. I did not know that she was married, and regretted my decision. Some days later she quitted her , and I was sad that I could not see her anymore. I decided to do something against my sadness, and got a tattoo in Daytona, a dragon tattoo, since I'm born in the year of the dragon, on the same date as Bruce Lee. Bruce left me an important message: You have to become like water. Water is the symbol for the word of God, and the word of God is Jesus.
One time when I walked over the Daytona Beach with my swimming trunks, someone called me the gay dragon, but I did not know the word gay, since English is not my mother language. I should have asked for the meaning of it. I also went to the nightclubs, since I loved to dance. I was dancing alone, but one girl watched me dancing and told the bartender to give me a free drink. She was very beautiful, and her name was Lisa if I remember correctly. First I ignored her, since I had not made up my mind to cheat my wife. Some weeks later I decided to find her again, and I found out that she was working as a bartender. Again she gave me free drinks. I tried to talk to Lisa, but she said: I thought you are married. I turned around and left the bar, since she hit my weak point. One day later I found out that she was married also, and I still do not know why she gave me free drinks. Her husband was a bartender also, and he said that she liked me. Maybe she thought I would be one of the few honest men, since I wore my wedding ring and did not try to get another girl. But I tried the opposite thing.
One day I went with my colleague Ken to Molly Browns in Daytona, a striptease bar. Ken went there so often that another colleague called him "married with Molly Browns". I never went to such a place, and I was curious. The striptease was harmless, the girls left their pants on and had covered their s. I also spent a few dollars for a table dance. Another girl asked me if I wanted to go upstairs, but I said I would not have enough money, it was a lie. Maybe it was not a lie, who can buy love (Revelation 13:17)? I still do not know what they offer upstairs. Instead I bought a cigar from the guy working in the restroom, he also wanted to clean my boots, but there was no need for it and we exchanged a few words, making some jokes. We left Molly Browns and went to the Razzle's, a nightclub where you can dance. They had a bikini contest that night. I watched a girl who was dancing alone, she was blonde and I love blondes. Later she won the first prize at the bikini contest, and her name was Mary if I remember correctly. Her performance at the bikini contest was so fantastic, that I thought if I could do the same, because they had the same contest for men the other night, similar to a striptease contest. I looked like as if I would do some martial arts, and in addition I'm blonde and had a dark tan, so I thought I could win. I'm a shy person, so I thought if I could do something like this contest, I would loose my shyness. So I went to the Razzle's the following night. Then an unexpected thing happened: Mary was standing close to me and she wanted to talk to me. I did not know what to do, I had no control of the situation, I felt I could not resist her. Since I knew that I could not cheat my wife, I turned around and walked away. This decision drove me to the limit of my mind. But it became much more worse. When I took part at the contest, some people were yelling "gay, buh". Obviously a lot of people have seen me at the beach with my swimming trunks. I'm a sensitive person, I was dying that night. Nevertheless I repeated the contest the other week, since I did not want to feel like a looser and I wanted to know that I have the strength to do it. Later a voice inside my head made a joke and said: He is shy like a Mustang.
The next day I was still sad and had the impression that my colleagues at work were talking about me, since I told the story. I did not realize that I started to hear voices, which were not real. When I returned to Germany, I was still unhappy, because I always thought about Mary. I was depressive and thought I had made the wrong decision, I thought about good and evil. My conclusion was if there is no God, there is no good and evil also and I can do whatever I want. After two years I decided to move to Florida alone, I wanted to repeat the good time I had in Florida. Although I did not want to admit it, I was still in love with Mary. Back in Florida I went to the Stake'n Shake restaurant very often and sometimes to Shoneys, Perkins and Dennys. A strange thing happened: they were talking about Mary at Stake'n Shake. I thought I would be able to listen to the conversation of other people, I did not realize that I heard voices. So I got the impression that I could meet Mary at Steak'n Shake, and later I was waiting for her at Shoneys. I was sitting on a bench in front of Shoneys, and I got arrested, because I did not want to go away. When the police arrived, I realized that something was wrong, but I did not know what it was, because I was very confused due to the voices. I said to the police officer that he can shoot me, since I did not want to live without Mary, and he really made a move to draw his gun. God? closed Shoneys later.
They threw me into a large prison cell with at least 30 prisoners. It was very loud in the cell, since the voices of the prisoners were echoing from the walls. In addition to that I heard the voices inside my head, it was a . Suddenly I was able to meditate and found some peace. I received a revelation about the meaning of the Holy Grail and drank hot water out of a plastic mug: it is the power of belief/imagination. After three days a colleague payed the bond and I was free again. I went to a psychiatrist and received medication, which improved my condition. I talked to my wife on the phone and said that she is the only one who really loves me, and she came and we spent the next 1 1/2 years in Florida.
I thought I did not need the medication anymore and was "crazy" again after some month. I had the impression to be an old being like Jesus, since I felt to have an extended consciousness. My wife brought me to an hospital, and a police officer gave me hand cuffs and brought me to another hospital. I saw a mother with her baby on her arms, and the baby had some kind of skin disease at its arms. I thought to have healing powers and kissed the baby on its arm. Maybe the baby was healed later? Compare it with the working of the false miracle healers like Benny Hinn. He only wants your money.
After one week in hospital I was normal again. I started to read the Bible, since I was looking for some explanations about the things I experienced. I was not demon possessed, when I heard the voices, because I heard true voices, lying voices, voices from the past and voices from the future. People in Zen Buddhism try to get enlightened, when they think a long time about a problem which can not be solved. This is exactly what I did, I thought about having another woman although I am married, a problem with no solution. This „enlightenment“ really works, but it might have negative consequences.
One day when I went to the psychiatrist, I heard that he mentioned the word gay. I was so nerved that I said: You can call me gay, because I love Jesus.
One year later I was a little bit crazy again, but I heard no voices anymore. I think my faith in Jesus was already improving my condition. One time when I closed my eyes, I saw a circle of light, and thought: this is God. Later I found out that God can be explained by a circle: the Holy Ghost is the spirit of truth, truth is the word of God, the word of God is Jesus, Jesus is God, God is spirit and the circle is closed. Light is a symbol for love. I John 2:10 He that loveth his brother abideth in the light (love), and there is none occasion of stumbling in him. So I really have seen God.
I think God has used my broken heart to draw me to him (Psalms 34:18 The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.). Last year I realized that I still love Mary. Love is something illogical, because my wife is also beautiful and I have no reason to love another woman. So God is love (I John 4:16), and when love is illogical, God must be illogical also. This is the very reason why we do not see God running around every day. This is important for us to realize, so we learned something about my story. If God would be logical, his actions would have to be logical also, that means he would be restricted in his actions. When God is illogical, he can do whatever he wants. God must be illogical to be the Most High God. You will see that the illogical verses in the Bible have the most interesting meaning. For example: John 7:38 He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water. Water is the symbol for the word of God. So the verse means that a true believer can speak with the word of God. Sometimes I can speak with the word of God. You decide if I say the truth.
You might say that it was wrong not to talk to Mary, since I loved her so much, but my love will be healed, when the kingdom of God is established. What is time, when you live forever? I have already seen a vision of the kingdom: people were crying tears of joy.
In the meantime I remembered how I first met my wife, it was the moment God married us. Later my son was born, and I called him Raphael, meaning God heals, because he made me forget Mary. My love has changed: first comes Jesus, then my son and my wife. This sequence of love produces a little conflict, but I can live with it very good.
When I read the Bible I stumbled over the verses with the word „overcometh“. The verses seem to describe the spiritual progress of a believer, until the believer becomes a son of God in the eighth step (Revelation 21:7).
The first two steps reminded me on my situation: Revelation 2:4, 5 Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love. Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent.
Revelation 2:10 Fear none of those things which thou shalt suffer: behold, the devil shall cast some of you into prison, that ye may be tried; and ye shall have tribulation ten days: be thou faithful unto death, and I will give thee a crown of life.
Then came the day when I read the Bible, that I had the impression that the Bible was talking about me. The verses were: John 1:6, 7 There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. The same came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light, that all men through him might believe.
It appeared as if the word of God had given me a new name: John. The name John means mercy of the Lord. This reminded me on the third step of the stairway to become a son of God: Revelation 2:17 ...To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the hidden manna, and will give him a white stone, and in the stone a new name written, which no man knoweth saving he that receiveth it.
One day when I investigated the Marian apparitions at Medjugorje and wanted to write a negative comment about it, I heard the voice of a woman, she was complaining, but more in a loving way. I was shaken in my beliefs. Since I was Catholic and thought it was Mary, I thought about Mary being a goddess. It took two more month until I realized that the voice was false, and I decided to leave the Catholic Church.
This reminded me on the fourth step to become a son of God: Revelation 2:20 Notwithstanding I have a few things against thee, because thou sufferest that woman Jezebel, which calleth herself a prophetess, to teach and to seduce my servants to commit fornication, and to eat things sacrificed unto idols.
More than one year ped, until something new happened. I was in trouble with my employer, because I had distributed Christian emails and one person complained at the company’s webmaster. I denied not that I am a Christian, and everything I had written represented my opinion. I was afraid to lose my , therefore I read the Psalms to find some encouragement. Again it was like as if the Bible was talking to me, the words were alive and seem to come from my own soul. Then I read the words: Psalms 72:20 The prayers of David the son of Jesse are ended.
Again it was like as if the word of God had given me a new name: David.
I had made the fifth and sixth step to become a son of God at the same time. Revelation 3:12 Him that overcometh will I make a pillar in the temple of my God, and he shall go no more out: and I will write upon him the name of my God, and the name of the city of my God, which is new Jerusalem, which cometh down out of heaven from my God: and I will write upon him my new name.
Since it was almost unbelievable that everything happened according to the word of God, I investigated if David could be the new name of God. David means beloved, a name well suited for God, since God is love. In the Old Testament I found: Ezekiel 34:23, 24 And I will set up one shepherd over them, and he shall feed them, even my servant David; he shall feed them, and he shall be their shepherd. And I the LORD will be their God, and my servant David a prince among them; I the LORD have spoken it. 37:24 And David my servant shall be king over them; and they all shall have one shepherd: they shall also walk in my judgments, and observe my statutes, and do them.
This confirmed that David will be the new ruler. In the song of Solomon ointment is compared with a name, so to receive a new name is like being anointed. So the Lord has anointed me with the name David.
In one verse David is king, in another verse David is only prince. This is because there are two Davids united in one person, David the man and David the spirit of the Lord. Zechariah 14:9 And the LORD shall be king over all the earth: in that day shall there be one LORD, and his name one.
The only thing that is unusual is that Jesus returns in the spirit, but this is emphasized by the words to the overcomer: ... what the Spirit saith ... And the Spirit and the bride say, Come...
The bottom line of my story is: when I had the chance to find a new love, I chose Jesus instead. Since some people called me gay, I thought about homouality. The Bible seems to condemn it, but I wanted to find a clear answer. Since God has written the law in my heart (Jeremiah 31:33), I only have to listen to my heart.
Therefore the Beloved of the Lord says: It is God’s purpose for you to have children, that you experience the miracle of love. Nevertheless God is love, and love does not know any shame. If you find True Love, God’s purpose for you is fulfilled. The wedding ring is the symbol for True Love.
This means homouality is not a shame and marriage is encouraged.
How beautiful do the words have to be, before they conquer every heart?
Jesus was only 33 when he died. He did not have much fun in his short life on earth, and he died for our sins. Shouldn't we give him all the love we have?
Our Father bless you
Ralf